a rogue asset is on the loose

rogue - adj - no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable; deviating, renegade: a rogue cop; a rogueunion local.

such a cool- jason bourne - sidney bristow - type word.
today i definitely feel like my rogue self is out there. this emotional version of me that is operating outside of the authority of me. not obedient to me. not belonging to me...
ever have one of those days?
where crap you know shouldn't be affecting you is totally dragging you down.
where things you thought you had moved past make a violent and near-crippling resurgence.
where your "head knowledge" seems so far from your current reality. when you know the right answers and the right reactions, but manifesting them is like trying to park a winnebago into a bike rack... just not happening.

maybe i am being over dramatic. but that just proves my point further. rogue-me is telling the world that i am having a crappy day in exaggerated terms. that is definitely acting outside of my will and governing authority....

part of me has to sort of be thankful for the mood swings, mind blowing stomach cramps and general blah-ness.
Remember Genesis 3?
When God mercifully cast Adam and Eve from the Garden? When He mercifully and intentionally gave us reminders of our sin?
pain. toil. struggle.
then He gave clothing and boundries and land from which we could get food.... mercy.

the reason i am thankful for the wretched reminders is because we need them.

as humiliating and painful being humbled is - it is also the fertilizer for some glorious growth spurts.

you know how eustace scrubb was in that skin that he tried and tried to remove himself, then alsan-with one deep cut- removed it fully for him...?
it's like that.
painful. but a good pain in a way.

it's good to know that i can't do this thing called life on my own.
it's good to know that i am weak and incapable.... and that it's okay.
because there is one who is strong and capable.
and HE is the one to chip away the old crusted on pieces of junk that don't resemble the creation HE has made anew to be a part in His glory....
and HE is the one to accomplish any good thing, with or with out us.
He will.
He is good.


He is capable of setting the captives free.

He is.

blog blabbing and tangent taking will now cease.

the end.