last day of "ot-ten"

it's pretty hard to believe it is already turning to 2011.
but don't we always say that?
aren't we always saying, "i can't believe it's already....." or "wow this week/day/year/month has gone by so fast!"
do we say these things with lament? do we say them with relief?
how fast did we expect it to pass? why does it feel like some hours are so much longer than others.
recently i went camping with my sister. we didn't bother putting the rain cover on the tent so the full moon was beaming down bright as day on us. i woke up maybe eight or nine times that night and could have sworn i was asleep for hours - when i looked at my extra loud ticking watch, though, it had scarcely been 15 minutes or so each time. and every time i woke up with relief thinking i had made it to the morning this time - but alas - it was only the ultra bright moon posing as the light of dawn.
that's the first time in a while that time seemed to drag on in a twilight zone-ishly slow way.

anywho. thinking about time and how it keeps passing... slow or fast... and how really - it doesn't even exist outside of this world, but the only piece of it we can really deal with is the one right now.
we can't change the past. we can only try to determine the future. but we can make decisions and choices and mistakes and friends and enemies and wins and smiles and laughs and tears and all of that in this moment. this one. now this one. now this one.....

i want to try and make goals and plans for the year of 2011.  i want to achieve things and follow through on things. i want to grow. but i know that i am not capable of making it happen. i am capable of making choices - due to the grace and free will my God has given me. He is the only one able to change my heart and reveal Himself which would, in turn, enable me to make right choices.
but it is on me to orient myself to be in a place where i can hear from him - and be available to him. i HIGHLY recommend the book by Avery Willis called - The Spirit of the Disciplines.
put it on your 2011 reading list.
he talks a lot about this. this balance of our responsibility and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit....
we've been given some time. just a short breathe here in this realm. a blink. so what do we do with it? it has been loaned to us for a purpose by the One with the ultimate plan for it. so we should probably ask Him.